More than anything else, I’m drawn to particular movies by the actors and actresses who appear in them. I think performances have a huge impact on films, and really determine whether or not the finished product turns out well. If you start with a great script but have mediocre actors, you risk losing the story. Conversely, great actors can sometimes (not always) elevate a mediocre script to something better than anyone hoped for. Unfortunately, there are also times when even good actors can do little with the source material, and that’s exactly what happened in the 2000 film Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her.
Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her presents a series of five stories (most other reviewers call them “vignettes,” so I suppose I ought to do the same) that turn out to be very loosely connected because some of the characters overlap. Each vignette gives viewers a glimpse of the various challenges faced by the featured women. The stories begin in media res, in the middle of things, and don’t even provide any neat resolution. I guess they’re supposed to mirror real life in that way. Each vignette begins with a title card that tells us what the story will be about.
The first one is called “This is Dr. Keener,” with Glenn Close in title role. We see her at home, taking care of an aged parent and frequently leaving messages for another doctor. From her tone and look, it appears that she’s not calling the other doctor for professional reasons.
While at home that day, she has a tarot card reading with a woman named Christine (played by Calista Flockhart). Christine looks at the cards and immediately starts describing Dr. Keener’s life, as portrayed in the cards. We can see from Keener’s reaction that Christine’s reading is spot-on.
And then that particular vignette ends. (No, really.)
The second story is called “Fantasies About Rebecca.” Rebecca (Holly Hunter) is a bank manager who has been having an affair with a married man (Gregory Hines) for three years. When she learns that she’s pregnant, she thinks that the only thing to do is “take care of it.” Before doing so, however, she has a fling with a co-worker named Walter (Matt Craven) and strikes up a strange relationship with a homeless bag lady who hangs out in the neighborhood where Rebecca works. When Rebecca gets her abortion, we see that her surgeon is Dr. Keener. Afterwards, Rebecca is devastated about what she has done — even though she never for one second contemplated keeping the baby.
The third story is called “Someone for Rose,” and it features Kathy Baker as Rose, a single mother who works from home. She has what appears to be a very strange relationship with her son Jay (Noah Fleiss) and also becomes obsessed with a dwarf named Albert (Danny Woodburn) who moves into the house across the street. Rose stares at Albert’s house all day long (and sometimes at night, too) hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Jay jokingly tells Rose that Albert could be the man of her dreams, but she just laughs it off. However, when Albert shows up at her door with a bunch of flowers, she looks very happy. The end.
The fourth story is called, “Goodnight Lilly, Goodnight Christine” and brings us back to the Christine character from the Dr. Keener sketch. Christine is in a lesbian relationship with Lilly (Valeria Golino), and we see that Lilly is dying from cancer or some other terminal illness. The two spend a lot of time talking to each other, and Christine recounts the time they met. Yeah, it’s that boring.
The fifth story is called “Love Waits for Kathy,” and features several of the characters from previous vignettes. Kathy (Amy Brenneman) is a police detective who lives with her blind sister Carol (Cameron Diaz). Carol is beautiful and has the more active love life out of the two. In fact, she’s just beginning to date someone new: Walter from the “Rebecca” segment. Kathy is shown helping her sister get ready for her dates by putting on makeup for her, and then sitting forlornly at home while Carol has all the fun. Then Carol’s relationship with Walter ends abruptly just as Kathy starts dating someone from work.
My Reaction: I have to say that this was one of the most excruciatingly boring films I’ve seen in a long time! The characters from each vignette barely interacted with each other at all and their connections weren’t even important, so what was the point of overlapping them in the first place?
The vignettes themselves seemed utterly random and pointless as well. The only one that came even close to making sense was “Fantasies About Rebecca;” all the others just made me want to jab my pencil in my eyes to make the torture come to an end.
And what was up with Rose and Jay? Was their relationship creepy or what??? As soon as Rose grabbed Jay from behind and hugged him after she looked at his freckle or whatever I thought something was strange. Then that whole thing about smelling his breath? Huh??? And then when Jay called her into his room and he was sprawled out on his bed in just his boxers — with one hand halfway down his pants??? That’s a normal mother-son relationship? Uh, I don’t think so. It was gross and uncomfortable, and had me fast-forwarding so I wouldn’t have to endure that crap any longer.
Overall, Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her wastes the talent of its cast members and the time of its audience. I give it 2.0 stars out of 10 and beg you to skip it for your own good. No wonder this movie went straight to Showtime instead of being released to theaters!