Reviews and More

I had a chance to look through some tabloids and celebrity magazines when I was at my mom’s house yesterday. I always wonder how the stars maintain their nice figures despite the fact that they live out of hotels most of the time when they’re filming and are always pictured with high-calorie Starbucks drinks in their hands. I’m not talking about the ultra-thin people like Teri Hatcher and Keira Knightley here, by the way. I’m looking at stars like Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, and others who don’t look like they’re on the verge of starving to death.

These women must have some secret weapon at their disposal, like hydroxycut or some other supplement to help them keep their weight in check. At least I hope they do, because if you tell me that their figures are just the natural results of diet and exercise, then I’ll be extremely jealous! I’m having a heck of a time trying to drop the 10 extra pounds I’ve been carrying around since my son was born nearly five years ago. All of the women I named are also mothers, and they were back to looking fabulous in no time after they gave birth. What do I have to do to be like them?? LOL.

I’m not really big on spoof films and haven’t seen too many over the years, but when I was combing through a friend’s DVD collection and noticed that he had Date Movie, I decided to borrow it. I’d never even heard of Date Movie before, so I didn’t know how it was received, nor did I have any idea what to expect from it. The only reason I wanted to give it a try was that it stars Alyson Hannigan, and I’ve become a fan of hers because of her role on the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. Having just finished watching this movie, all I can say is that I hope Hannigan was contractually obligated to accept the project and didn’t enter into it of her own free will!

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Hannigan stars as a young woman named Julia Jones who fears that she’ll never find Mr. Right because she’s grossly obese, socially inept, and her father Frank (played by Eddie Griffin) insists that she marry someone with the same heritage (black, Greek, Japanese, Indian, and Jewish). Refusing to accept a lonely life, Julia goes to see a matchmaker named Hitch (this is a spoof, remember) to help her find her true love.

From there, the movie goes into full-on spoof mode, lifting scenes and dialogue mostly from Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers. Other films alluded to (that I could identify) were: Napoleon Dynamite, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Pretty Woman, My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Wedding Crashers, The Wedding Planner, Hitch, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, What Women Want, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Kill Bill, and King Kong. What’s more, the film even went so far as to spoof Paris Hilton’s infamous burger commercial, as well as the MTV show Pimp My Ride.

During the course of all these parodies, Julia finds a man, falls in love, loses the man, and wins him back in time for a perfect wedding.

My Reaction: Maybe I left my sense of humor behind when I saw Date Movie, because I hardly found anything to laugh about. In fact, I think the only scene that generated a smile was at the very beginning when Julia (in full fat mode) was dancing to the song Milkshake — and making such a spectacle of herself that a nearby construction worker decides to shoot himself in the head with a nail gun. Beyond that, I don’t think I laughed at all.

Do I have the wrong idea of what spoofs are supposed to be like? I thought they just took a basic theme and riffed on it in their own way. But Date Movie lifts extended scenes and even word-for-word dialogue sequences. WTF? That’s not funny, it’s just stealing.

And what was up with all those stupid cat jokes? I mean, forgive me for being above toilet humor and bestiality, but I thought that very extended scene of the cat on the toilet was just dumb, and I won’t even go into the whole cat-and-corpse or cat-and-old-neighbor pairings. Again, is this what passes as humor in Hollywood?

Well, perhaps I’m in the minority here, as Date Movie raked in more than $100 million worldwide and there’s reportedly a sequel in the works. You can bet I won’t be seeing it, however, as I’ll never forget how bad this effort was. I give Date Movie 2.5 stars out of 10, which, I believe is the lowest rating I’ve ever submitted.

I haven’t published a reading list in a while, so this seems like a good time to throw one into the mix. I like having a reading list because it helps keep me on track in terms of always having a couple of books going at any given time. Here’s what’s on the agenda for the next month or so:

Audiobooks:
The Poet by Michael Connelly
Silas Marner by George Eliot
Walden by HD Thoreau

Paper books:
Hercule Poirot’s Christmas by Agatha Christie
And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie
The Black Sheep by Balzac
Scoop by Evelyn Waugh

I’m almost finished listening to The Poet, and even though I have several more Connelly audiobooks at my disposal, I’m going to switch over to something different. I think I’ve given Connelly a fair shake, but I simply don’t like his novels. Well, I shouldn’t really say that. I like the plots (for the most part), but I can’t stand his lead characters. None of them are sympathetic or believable, so I don’t enjoy listening to the stories.

However, I will say that it’s kind of cool to see the technological progress documented in his books. The first one I read took place in 1992 and had Detective Harry Bosch using pagers, pay phones, and typewriters. Then, with the subsequent novels, taking place in ‘93, ‘94, and ‘95, Bosch graduated to cell phones and computers. Now, in The Poet, which was written in ‘96, the main villain uses a laptop and digital camera to get things done.

As for paper books, I’m actually already finished reading Hercule Poirot’s Christmas, so all I have to do is get around to writing the review. I’m about 1/3 of the way through And Then There Were None, after which I’m going to get back to a couple of classics.

At any rate, hopefully I can knock these books out before the fall TV season starts, because once we reach the end of September, all bets are off as far as reading goes. Between college and pro football, TV, and movies, I don’t think I’ll be doing very much reading at that time!