I debated almost all summer long about whether I should go see Ocean’s Thirteen at the theater or just wait for it to come out on DVD. I liked Ocean’s Eleven, but thought Ocean’s Twelve was pretty bad, so that’s the reason I was torn about Thirteen. In the end, I decided that waiting until Ocean’s Thirteen hit the bargain theater seemed like a good compromise. Tickets over there are just slightly more expensive than renting a new release DVD, so I’d still be able to see the film on the big screen, but I wouldn’t feel as ripped off if it turned out to be bad. It turns out that I was satisfied with what I saw, but didn’t think I missed out by waiting this long.

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Large-scale con man Danny Ocean (played by George Clooney) once again needs to assemble his team in order to pull off a job. This time, it’s personal, as one of their own, Reuben Tishkoff (Elliott Gould), was double-crossed by greedy casino owner Willie Bank (Al Pacino). Bank and Reuben were supposed to be equal partners in a brand-new hotel, but at the last minute, Bank muscles Reuben out, paying him only a fraction of what his shares were worth. The shock of the ordeal gave Reuben a heart attack, and leaves him bed-ridden for months. Danny swears to get revenge on Bank.

Once the entire crew is rounded up, Danny and Rusty (Brad Pitt) reveal the plan: they want to ruin Bank’s Grand Opening by causing him to lose $500 million and to lose out on the prestigious 5-Diamond Award for Best Hotel.

Taking care of the 5-Diamond Award is the easy part. They simply have Saul (Carl Reiner) pose as the hotel reviewer, and then find out the name of the real reviewer so they can go to work on sabotaging his stay. Once Danny and Rusty find out which room the “V.U.P.” (very unimportant person, played by David Paymer) will be staying in, they infest the bed with bugs and do other things that will drive the guy crazy. The V.U.P. ends up getting a terrible rash over his entire face and gets kicked out of the hotel (even though he begs to stay). No 5-Diamond Award for Bank.

Creating a $500 million loss on opening night will take considerably more effort and cunning. The team realizes that there’s no way the 11 of them can hit Bank that hard on their own, so they decide that the best plan is to fix all the games in such a way that anyone playing them would win. In other words, all the other gamblers at the casino will have huge winnings, making it impossible for Bank to track the losses and pin the scheme on one group.

In order to accomplish this, Danny plants his people as employees at the companies that manufacture gaming items for Bank’s casino. So Virgil Malloy (Casey Affleck) goes to work at a dice factory in Mexico so he can make loaded dice for craps and Livingston Dell (Eddie Jemison) goes to work at a company that makes the automatic blackjack shoes so he can toy with the machines. In addition, they get Frank Catton (Bernie Mac) in the door as a dominoes dealer and they find some dirt on a Bank pit boss who then agrees to switch out loaded roulette balls for them when the time comes.

But even if they can control all the games, Danny and Rusty know their plan isn’t complete without an exit strategy. This being Vegas, all the people in the casino will keep gambling until they lose all the money that they initially win on the fixed games. So the final part of the plan is to create a natural disaster, an earthquake, that will cause the hotel to be evacuated once everyone has won a decent amount. The Ocean team will accomplish this by digging under the hotel to mess with the infrastructure.

This being a caper movie, there are various twists and turns along the way, a bunch of disguises, and several misdirections to fool the audience. There are also a couple of subplots involving Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) and Bank’s right-hand woman Abigail Sponder (Ellen Barkin).

My Reaction: I’ll start off by saying that Ocean’s Thirteen wasn’t a dull film. There seemed to be something important happening in every single scene, and with so many characters to fit into the story, things moved along fairly quickly. There was no time to get bored or dwell on the sheer implausibility of every single part of the team’s plan — until after leaving the movie theater.

That’s when all the questions started kicking in. Like, how did they get that huge drill from Paris to Vegas in time to continue work on the tunnel before opening night? Better yet, how did they get something like that to the work site (in downtown Vegas, mind you) without being seen, stopped, and questioned? I know that viewers aren’t supposed to hold movies like Ocean’s Thirteen up to strict scrutiny, but instead are expected to just sit back and enjoy the story. But that particular plot point was so ridiculous that it’s really hard to let it go.

I also can’t get over the way Danny Ocean and team engage in such high-stakes scams. They talk about bilking Willie Bank out of $500 million as if it were just another day on the job. Stealing diamond necklaces worth $250 million is treated like an afterthought. And of course we won’t even ask how the crew came up with the untold millions to get the ball rolling on this scam in the first place. Remember, they didn’t go to Benedict until the first drill broke down….

Despite the utter ridiculousness of the script, I found myself unable to actively dislike this movie, and I know it was because of the cast. It’s hard (for me, at least) to hate a movie that features George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Al Pacino, Andy Garcia, and all the rest.

Overall, Ocean’s Thirteen is one of those films where you’re better off leaving your brain at home. If you can just convince yourself to enjoy your favorite movie stars without expecting anything to make sense, then you’ll be okay. I give this movie 3 stars out of 5.