Plot summary (with spoilers): After a recent breakup with her latest boyfriend, 30-something Jen (played by Katherine Heigl) goes on vacation to Nice, France with her parents Mr. Kornfeldt (Tom Selleck) and Mrs. Kornfeldt (Catherine O’Hara). While there, Jen meets and falls in love with Spencer Aimes (Ashton Kutcher), who, unbeknownst to her, is a spy/assassin.
During the whirlwind romance, Spencer decides that he wants nothing more than to get out of the spy game and settle down to a normal existence in suburbia with Jen. He tells his boss Henry (Rob Riggle) that he’s quitting, but Henry gives him the usual spiel about how no one can walk away that easily. Spencer doesn’t listen. He and Jenn marry, then begin what should be a blissful life together.
The action fast-forwards three years, and we see that Spencer and Jen have been reasonably happy in that time. But now Spencer gets a postcard at his office from Henry demanding that he complete another hit. Spencer has no intention on following through. However, Mr. Kornfeldt happens to come into the office to take Spencer to dinner and notices the message. He asks Spencer about it, but Spencer is vague and evasive.
The next morning, one of Spencer’s neighbors tries to kill him. As they fight, the man tells Spencer that there’s now a $20 million bounty on his head, and that he can expect more people to come after him even if this current attempt fails. Once Spencer gets the man subdued, Jen returns home to find the house a shambles. Spencer finally fesses up to everything as the two are being chased by the would-be assassin, who has managed to free himself.
From there, we see Spencer and Jen try to fight off half a dozen more assassination attempts — all by people who have been in their lives for the past few years. These include neighbors, friends, and co-workers. Finally at the end, it’s revealed who has put these assassins in place and why.
- I’m a Katherine Heigl fan, so I tend to like her no matter how bad the film as a whole is. That was the case here. The movie was terrible, but she was definitely the best thing about it.
- At least it was short and didn’t drag on and on with superfluous scenes. There’s nothing I hate more than a film that doesn’t know when to end.
- Catherine O’Hara’s character was funny. I know true alcoholism is no laughing matter, but this was just a film after all.
- Ashton Kutcher is pretty damn annoying as an actor. I try to like him because I think what he does with social media is kinda cool, but he cannot carry a movie like this.
- I just didn’t understand the plot at all. Why would Tom Selleck need to plant sleepers around Spencer and Jen? He was supposed to be this badass operative himself, and since the parents were always “within 5 minutes” of the the couple ever since the wedding day, why would he possibly need so many other people hovering around. Also, why would he let his daughter marry Spencer in the first place if he ever thought there would be a need to kill him in the future? None of that made any sense.
- The film got off to an incredibly slow start. The main conflict — that of Spencer being pursued by the other killers — didn’t start until 45 minutes in. Did we really need that much of a setup?
I wasn’t expecting anything great out of Killers, but I was at least hoping to be sufficiently entertained for an hour and a half. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. There were a few laugh-out-loud moments along the way (the part with Spencer’s feeble attempt at a mustache comes to mind), but mostly the story was uninspired, uninteresting, and unoriginal. I give this film 2 stars out of 5.