Plot summary (with spoilers): Note: since this film features a HUGE ensemble cast of well known stars, I think it’s easier to refer to each of them by real name instead of character name. I finished the DVD a few days ago and have already forgotten all the characters’ names anyway!
This film takes place on Valentine’s Day and follows a number of couples (and a few singles) as they try to effectively navigate their love lives. First up is Ashton Kutcher, a florist who has just proposed to girlfriend Jessica Alba. She accepts, which surprises Kutcher’s co-worker George Lopez and his best friend Jennifer Garner. Garner doesn’t have much time to dwell on Kutcher’s situation, though, because she’s dating hot surgeon Patrick Dempsey. Unfortunately, he’s married, which she’ll find out later. George has things under control, with a loving wife and family at home.
Meanwhile, Garner’s friend Jessica Biel is gearing up for her annual “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party, where all her single friends gather to tell horror stories about “love”. Unfortunately, no on has RSVP’d this year, which is devastating to her. But Biel, a publicist, is distracted from her party woes by Jamie Foxx, a sportscaster looking to break a big story on NFL quarterback Eric Dane, who happens to be Biel’s client. Biel and Foxx have some chemistry, and it’s clear that they’ll be together soon.
Dane’s agent is Queen Latifah, who has just hired Anne Hathaway to answer the phones. What Latifah doesn’t know is that Hathaway also does 1-900 work on the side to help pay off her massive college loans. This will get in the way of Hathaway’s burgeoning relationship with Topher Grace from the mail room, but of course that will eventually have a happy ending.
Other relationships and connections include: Julia Roberts as a servicewoman traveling all the way home to spend a mere 14 hours with someone special; Bradley Cooper as the businessman who befriends Julia on the plane; Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner and Emma Roberts & Carter Jenkins as two pairs of high school sweethearts; Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine as the standard been-together-forever-true-love couple; and Bryce Robinson as a second-grader dealing with his first crush.
Liked:
- The only real surprise in this movie was Bradley Cooper turning out to be Eric Dane’s lover. The writers did a good job of making it look like Cooper was hitting on Roberts and that he would end up with the flight attendant or something, so that reveal at the very end was cool (though I have to say Dane’s announcement that he was gay was kinda dumb since it was so out of context).
- Even though I figured Julia Roberts was going home to see the kid (there was no other single man out there, so this was the only logical pairing), the scene where she finally made it was still emotional. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom myself with a son the same age, but I really liked how much Julia sacrificed just to see her little guy for a few hours.
- Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx were the only two that I was rooting for to couple up. None of the other pairings had any chemistry, but it was nice to see these two end up together.
Disliked:
- Ugh, why did Ashton Kutcher’s character get so much screen time? He was probably the least interesting out of all of them (except for Topher Grace). Plus, him and Jennifer Garner?? Hell to the NO!
- Speaking of Topher Grace, there’s no way he would ever score a chick as hot as Anne Hathaway!!!
- Most of these stories were far too random and didn’t give us enough time to get to know the characters. As a result, I hardly cared about any of them. I know you have to kind of expect this in a film with an ensemble cast, but it was still annoying.
- Hector and Shirley weren’t sweet. They were just dull and predictable.
- Didn’t care about the teens at all. I thought Taylor Swift was funny when she was showing off her “dance moves”, but other than that, meh to the whole storyline.
Rating
Valentine’s Day was basically just one big hot mess, with a bunch of random plots featuring random people with a few loose connections among them. There were a couple of good scenes, but not enough to justify spending two and a half hours on the rest. I give it 2 stars out of 5.