Plot summary (from the studio): When Dave Lizewski, ordinary New York teenager and rabid comic-book geek, dons a green-and-yellow internet-bought wetsuit to become the no-nonsense vigilante Kick-Ass, he soon finds an answer to his own question: because it hurts. But, overcoming all the odds, the eager yet inexperienced Dave quickly becomes a phenomenon, capturing the imagination of the public. However, he’s not the only superhero out there—the fearless and highly-trained father-daughter crime-fighting duo, Big Daddy and Hit Girl, have been slowly but surely taking down the criminal empire of local Mafioso, Frank DAmico. And, as Kick-Ass gets drawn into their no-holds-barred world of bullets and bloodletting with Frank’s son, Chris, now reborn as Kick-Ass’s arch-nemesis, Red Mist, the stage is set for a final showdown between the forces of good and evil in which the DIY hero will have to live up to his name. Or die trying…

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• Dave was a likable guy, which was very important for this kind of movie. I thought he pretty much sucked as Kick-Ass because he was just not superhero material. This is the kind of guy who would be more at home selling you a usb barcode scanner or something, not taking on organized crime. But he was a genuinely nice person and his heart was in the right place, so I was rooting for him from the beginning.
• Hit Girl was pretty cool. Seeing her getting shot by Nicolas Cage at the beginning was kind of a shocking moment, but once their relationship unfolded, things began to make more sense. Honestly, she was one of the most original characters I’ve ever seen in a mainstream film. A 10-year-old weapon-wielding ass-kicker?? Wow!
• The movie was actually pretty funny in some places. I know I laughed several times along the way, which I wasn’t really expecting. Humor is definitely a bonus in my book.

Disliked:

• I usually don’t like it when main characters miraculously escape from dire situations relatively unscathed, but I didn’t like the fact that Nicolas Cage’s character was killed right in front of his daughter. I know that sort of thing provides the basic canon for many a superhero, but still… it just didn’t feel right in this movie.
• It seemed as though Kick-Ass suffered from an identity crisis. Did it want to be an action movie? Did it want to be a comedy? At times, the film felt so lighthearted that the subsequent violence was doubly shocking. Obviously, the fight scene between Hit Girl and Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong) has caused controversy — and for good reason, IMO. On the screen, it was portrayed as a serious fight, nothing funny, exaggerated, or lighthearted about it. And that took me right out of the film because I was cringing at how this grown man was pummeling a little girl.
• The love interest. Why must there always be a dumb love interest???
• The jet pack was incredibly cheesy to me. I know this movie was based off a comic book (oh, sorry — graphic novel), so I’m assuming the jet pack was in the original. It probably played a lot better on the page than on the screen, though.

Rating:

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much out of Kick-Ass. I’m not a big fan of these films based on comic books, so this wasn’t initially very appealing. But my husband convinced me to watch it with him, and I’m glad I did. I didn’t love it, and there were lots of things that made me roll my eyes. Yet it was still fairly entertaining and worth the price of the rental, which is why I give it 3 stars out of 5.

Plot summary (from the studio): Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors. His is a true cynic who describes what he does as “removing those hard to get at stains.” The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.

When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Garza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Steve Austin). When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. And to perhaps save a soul: his own.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

• I have to admit that when Caesar showed up with that massive gun and started blasting people halfway across the ocean, I had to smile. That was probably the best part about the entire movie for me. It wasn’t exactly a surprise because Caesar and Barney talked about what the gun could do, but seeing it in action was a whole different ballgame!

Disliked:

• The dialogue was incredibly cheesy from beginning to end. Obviously action films aren’t known for scintillating dialogue, but there seemed to be even less effort than usual here. It was so bad that I lost count of how many cringeworthy lines there were.
• Speaking of cringeworthy, the much talked about scene between Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis was a huge letdown. It was stilted, uncomfortable, and totally unnecessary. What a miscalculation that was!
• WTF was up with the Dolph Lundgren character? He was out of control on the first mission (the pirate stuff), turned traitor and tried to kill Barney and Yin Yang, but then they’re all friends again at the end? With ZERO explanation at all?! Again, logic isn’t exactly expected out of films like this–but it would be greatly appreciated.
• If some dude you’re fighting rolls into a gasoline fire and emerges completely covered in flames, I don’t think you have to bother punching him out (the Toll Road vs. Paine fight).
• I’m sorry, I know Mickey Rourke’s confession about not stopping a suicide was supposed to be gut-wrenching, but it made me laugh. The tears were icing on the cake as far as the unintentional comedy went. Good lord, grizzled killers in action flicks shouldn’t be spewing “afterschool special” life advice like that.
• I thought the film was going to focus on the team, so I was disappointed that Stallone and Statham scored most of the screen time. There’s something about Statham that just bugs me (one of those irrational things that can’t be explained away).
• Some of the action scenes and CGI (like the general’s compound blowing up) were so bad that I felt like I was watching something from the ’80s. I know Stallone wanted to go “old school action” in this film, but I don’t think that was quite what he had in mind.

Rating:

I like a fun, mindless action flick as much as the next person, but there really wasn’t anything about The Expendables that made it worth watching. I know it made almost a quarter of a billion dollars from worldwide box office revenue so I’m probably in the minority here, but I thought it pretty much sucked. One or two good scenes and a smile here or there couldn’t save it. I give the film 2 stars out of 5.