Plot summary (from the studio): Johnny Depp stars as an American tourist whose playful dalliance with a stranger leads to a web of intrigue, romance, and danger in The Tourist.
During an impromptu trip to Europe to mend a broken heart, Frank (Depp) unexpectedly finds himself in a flirtatious encounter with Elise (Angelina Jolie), an extraordinary woman who deliberately crosses his path.
Against the breathtaking backdrop of Paris and Venice, their whirlwind romance quickly evolves as they find themselves unwittingly thrust into a deadly game of cat and mouse.
Warning: Spoilers below!
- I thought Venice was the best part of this film. I have always been intrigued by the city, so it was nice to see it featured so prominently here.
- Paul Bettany was pretty good in this movie. I haven’t really liked him in anything else (he usually plays the bad guy, doesn’t he?), but thought he delivered a solid performance despite the subpar material he had to work with.
- Angelina Jolie drove me absolutely INSANE!!! I cannot stand that knowing smirk she wears on her face all the time, as if she’s constantly thinking to herself, “I’m the sexiest woman in the world! Everyone’s looking at ME!” Ugh. She is bony and gaunt, and needs to eat a cheeseburger or three so we can’t count all the bones in her body the next time she’s on screen. Oh, and she should learn to walk like a normal person, too. What the hell was up with that floaty, “I’m a goddess incarnate” prance she used in every single scene????
- The plot was ridiculous. If you didn’t know Johnny Depp was Alexander Pearce from the moment the opening credits splashed across the screen, then this must have been your first movie ever. There was absolutely zero suspense in this filmat all.
- Speaking of zero, that’s the amount of chemistry I detected between Depp and Jolie. Sorry, but I just don’t understand how so many women find him attractive, what with his pudgy face, stringy hair, and stuttering, bumbling manner. Yeah, I realize that last aspect was part of the tourist “act” he adopted to throw off the cops, but still… ewww. 21 Jump Street Depp, Finding Neverland Depp, The Astronaut’s Wife Depp — when he’s clean and groomed like in those films, yes, he’s sexy. But here??? Um, no.
- I didn’t understand the money plot at all. So Alexander Pearce stole a billion and a half dollars from that gangster, right? And the gangster presumably got the money the way most gangsters do, by running drugs, hookers, or weapons. So where does the whole Interpol tax complaint come in???? Gangsters don’t pay taxes!!! While the initial crime itself might be on Interpol’s radar because of the sheer size of the theft, I doubt they’d go charging in to collect taxes.
I knew of The Tourist’s terrible reviews and disappointing worldwide box office returns before seeing the film, so I guess I only have myself to blame for wasting my time here. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp banked on their star power to carry the dumb plot instead of actually trying to act, but that didn’t work out too well. I give this one 2 stars out of 5.