1-Star Movies » Reviews and More

Green Lantern (2011)

Dec 302011

Plot summary (from the studio): In a universe as vast as it is mysterious, an elite force of protectors for peace and justice has existed for centuries. They are the Green Lantern Corps. When a new enemy called Parallax threatens to destroy the Universe, their fate and the fate of Earth lie in the hands of the corps’ newest recruit, the first human ever selected: Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds).

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

Ryan Reynolds is rather easy on the eyes, isn’t he? Too bad his face and body were the only good things about this movie.

Disliked:

Look, I know comic books have their own rabid fans who are thoroughly familiar with each hero’s backstory, but I feel if these studios are going to market a film to the masses, they should at least make the plot somewhat understandable. I couldn’t follow this one at all. Yeah, I got that Hal Jordan was supposed to save the universe from Parallax and all that, but… what??? I mean, even that part doesn’t make much sense. Sigh.
The special effects might have been more impressive if I’d known what the hell was going on. As it was, all the flashing lights and loud noises were just annoying.
I fell asleep a couple of times while watching this, and even so I didn’t feel compelled to rewind and catch up on what I had missed. What would have been the point?

Rating:

I readily admit that I am not part of the target audience for this movie. I wasn’t expecting to like it, and just agreed to watch to make my husband happy. Even so, I feel Green Lantern was just a huge waste of time. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t engaging, it wasn’t thrilling or exciting… It was just a long, drawn-out mess that took forever to end. I give it 1 star out of 5.

Gulliver's Travesl (2010)

1-Star Movies, Children/Family, Comedy/Dark Comedy 1 Response »

Aug 242011

Plot summary (from the studio): In a modern, 3D family comedy take on the classic tale, Jack Black (star of “Kung Fu Panda” and “School of Rock”) is Lemuel Gulliver, a lowly mailroom clerk at a New York newspaper.

After Gulliver bluffs his way into an assignment writing about the Bermuda Triangle, he goes there only to be transported to an undiscovered land, Lilliput. In this fantastical new world, Gulliver is, at last, a bigger-than-life figure — in size and ego – especially after he starts telling tall tales, taking credit for his world’s greatest inventions, and placing himself at the center of its most historic events. Gulliver’s position is enhanced even further when he leads his new friends in a daring battle against their longtime enemies.

But when Gulliver loses it all and puts the Lilliputians in peril, he must find a way to undo the damage. Ultimately, Gulliver becomes a true giant among men only when he learns that it’s how big you are on the inside that counts.

Warning: Spoilers below!

Liked:

Jason Segel sometimes bothers me, but he was probably the best thing about this particularly movie. He wasn’t a total ham, but he was still funny. I think he’s most believable when he plays these naive, sincere characters like Horatio.
At least the Amanda Peet/Jack Black love story angle wasn’t dragged out interminably. It was obvious from the beginning that he was going to “get the girl,” so I’m glad there weren’t a bunch of ridiculous scenes of him pining away for her, misunderstandings about his intentions, etc.

Disliked:

Man, Jack Black is such a one-note actor, isn’t he? I generally like him because he’s so easygoing and average, but he just plays the same damn character in every film. And hey, just because School of Rock was a success, does he have to sing/play air guitar no matter how little it relates to the actual storyline? Ugh.
The special effects were horrible. Just terrible. I hardly ever notice stuff like that, so if it was blatantly obvious even to me, then you know it was bad. Seriously, this film cost $112 million to make? What was that money spent on?!
It wasn’t funny. It’s just so painful to have to sit through comedies that are completely, totally unfunny like this one. I might have smiled once (when Gulliver ended up as the giant girl’s plaything). There were zero laugh-out-loud moments, though, which made the move seem much longer than 84 minutes.
The song and dance number at the end was truly cringe-worthy. Why do movies do that??? Just to kill another three minutes, I guess.
General Edward was annoying as hell. I know he was supposed to be unlikable because he was Gulliver’s enemy, but he was annoying in an unrelated way. The character was poorly written and the actor has a face that begs to be punched.
In reading some message boards, I was shocked to see people asking how similar this movie was to the original book. Uh, you can tell that it was completely different just by watching the trailer! Sorry, kids, you’re not getting out of your English Lit reading assignment by watching this trash!

Rating:

I thought Gulliver’s Travels was one of the worst movies I’ve seen in recent years. Jack Black was miscast as the lead here, and there was just nothing funny about the script. I give the film 1 star out of 5 — and that star was awarded only because the film was mercifully short. I cannot understand how this steaming pile made a profit by pulling in $213 million worldwide!

Robin Hood (2010)

1-Star Movies, Action Comments Off

Jul 182011

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Set in 1199, this film gives background information on how Robin Longstride (played by Russell Crowe) begins as an ordinary soldier in Richard the Lionheart’s army, and ends up being declared an outlaw by Richard’s successor John (Oscar Isaac). Upon this declaration, Robin and his band of Merry Men, which includes Will Scarlett (Scott Grimes), Little John (Kevin Durand), and Allan A’Dayle (Alan Doyle) retreat to Sherwood Forest near Nottingham to begin their new purpose of stealing from the rich (usually meaning the king and his tax collectors) and giving to the poor. Robin is joined in his efforts by Maid Marion Loxley (Cate Blanchett), Friar Tuck (Mark Addy), and a host of wild orphans.

Liked:

It was good to see Marion Loxley as a strong, independent woman instead of a damsel in distress. I am not overly familiar with the Robin Hood tales, but I’ve always had the (perhaps mistaken) impression that Marion was the latter. I’m not sure which version of Marion is correct, but I prefer resolute women who can hold their own, so despite the fact that the role was played by the ultra-wooden Cate Blanchett, whom I don’t particularly care for, some aspects of the character were decent.

Disliked:

It seemed that there was a battle or some kind of fighting every five minutes or so. I enjoy a good action film as much as the next person, but my god… my head started to hurt from all clamor and sword-clashing in this film. How about using a different means to advance the plot instead of just having the characters go at it in every other scene?
Why did that French invasion scene remind me soooo much of Saving Private Ryan? I’m no boat or warfare expert, but it seems that things would have been just a liiiiittle bit different way back then.
Are we really supposed to believe that the good people of Nottingham accepted Robin Longstride as Robert Loxley??? They lived in the same town and KNEW Loxley!!! Yes, he was gone for 10 years, but how is it possible that NO ONE realized this was an entirely different person????????
How did Marion know that Godfrey was the one who killed Walter? She didn’t witness the deed and therefore shouldn’t have had any idea who that guy was. Yet she immediately keyed in on him during the final battle as though she knew there was some debt to settle.
Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention, but was there even a plot here? It seemed like the film meandered from one pointless battle scene to the next with no thread tying everything together.
The characters were never developed at all, which prevented me from caring one whit about them. Without being invested in the characters, the outcome barely mattered.
Was that really how the idea for the Magna Carta developed, or were the filmmakers taking a massive liberty with history?
The acting was terrible for the most part. Does Russell Crowe do anything except look stoic or menacing by turns? Was the dude playing King John told to overplay his part in a comical manner? Was Cate Blanchett supposed to be that wooden? Ugh.

Rating:
Robin Hood is not a movie I would have selected to watch on my own, as I am not a fan of Russell Crowe to begin with. But I was watching with friends, and felt compelled out of politeness to sit through the entire thing instead of stopping after 20 minutes as I would have done if given the choice. This film had no plot and was filled with bad acting, and then tried to compensate for those shortcomings by throwing action scenes at the audience whenever possible. I cannot imagine any circumstance in the world in which I would watch this thing again from beginning to end. I give it 1 star out of 5.

Wild Things 2 (2004)

1-Star Movies, Crime/Thriller Comments Off

Jun 222011

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Brittany Havers (played by Susan Ward) is a high school senior on the verge of inheriting about $70 million after her stepfather Niles (Anthony John Denison) dies in a plane crash. There are no other heirs — or so she thinks. Before the money transfer can take place, Maya (Leila Arcieri), a classmate, comes forward claiming to be Niles’ illegitimate daughter. A DNA test is ordered, and coroner Julian Hayes (Joe Michael Burke) confirms that Maya and Niles were indeed father and daughter. Brittany throws a fit in court — but that was obviously just for show. Later that night, she, Maya, and Julian all gather to celebrate the ruling.

The three conspirators think they are home free, but that’s when insurance investigator Terence Bridge (Isaiah Washington) starts nosing around. His insurance company stands to lose $2 million because of the crash, so he wants to make sure that everything about the “accident” was aboveboard before writing the check. He starts asking questions that even the cops hasn’t bothered with, and gets suspicious of Brittany, Maya, and Julian. Before long, he starts following them and figures out that they were all in on the scam together.

Bridge arrives at one of the trio’s rendezvous points just in time to see Brittany shoot Julian. Instead of going to the cops, he tries to turn the event into a big payday for himself. He confronts Maya and Brittany and demands to be cut in on the $70 million. Maya agrees, but Brittany doesn’t. Brittany then shoots Maya, and demands that Bridge help her dispose of the body. While driving to a dump site, Brittany casually leaves the car after noticing a police cruiser behind their vehicle. She then phones in an anonymous tip about the car Bridge is still driving, which leads to his arrest once the cops find Maya’s body in the trunk.

Brittany is then home free to share the money with — Niles, whose death has been faked in an elaborate scheme to elude creditors and skip out on gambling losses. The two are headed somewhere tropical, intending to ditch Brittany’s plane and make it look like she died too. The plan is to parachute to safety, but Brittany hands Niles a chute packed with newspapers so that he plunges to his death. Brittany then goes on to meet her real partner in crime, her mother.

Liked:

Nothing. I try very hard to come up with at least one thing I like about each movie I watch, but it’s impossible with this title. I can totally see why the film went straight to DVD.

Disliked:

I hate that this was called Wild Things 2. There wasn’t any real connection to the first movie; the title just gave the filmmakers the right to rip off the plot and twists from the original. The murder, cover-up, conspiracy, threesome, double-cross… it was all rehashed, just with different characters.
Wow, did the threesome scene have to go on for a full two minutes?? That’s an eternity in movie time. Obviously this was meant to be a big selling point for the teenage boys likely to rent or buy this film.
The dialogue was extremely clunky throughout. Most of the words probably looked good on paper, but sounded very awkward in spoken form. I’m not gonna go look up the screenwriter, but I’d be willing to bet this was his/her first or second try. This was definitely not the work of a seasoned pro.
Speaking of the screenplay, the way this movie unfolded, I could practically see the storyboard right there on my TV. The whole thing felt incredibly formulaic, even with the “unexpected” twists thrown in.
I know the last thing I should expect from a film like this is any kind of realism, but come on: there’s no way Brittany and her mom could have anticipated every single move that every character made. The simplest plans are the ones that work best. The overly elaborate ones with multiple layers are the ones where screw-ups happen. There’s no way this should have worked.

Rating:

I’m not sure what possessed me to rent Wild Things 2, but I can admit mistakes when I make them. This was a terrible film with only one redeeming quality: its relatively short run time. That’s the only thing preventing me from giving it 0 stars. The characters are flat and uninteresting, the plot is ludicrous, and the outcome a foregone conclusion. I give it 1 star out of 5.

Grown-Ups (2010)

1-Star Movies, Comedy/Dark Comedy 3 Responses »

Feb 192011

Summary (from the publisher): Just because you grow older doesn’t mean you have to grow up! Comedy superstars Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider are at their hilarious and outrageous best playing childhood friends who reunite one holiday weekend to relive the good old days. It doesn’t matter that these five guys are now respectable businessmen, husbands and fathers. Once they get back together, nothing is going to stop these kids-at-heart from having the time of their adult lives in this hilarious and heartwarming film that proves men will be boys from the people who brought you Click.

Liked:

The first time they showed Rob Schneider’s “ugly” daughter, with her hair styled just like his, I admit I laughed out loud.

Disliked:

Was there a point to this movie? It felt like I was just watching footage of Adam Sandler’s weekend retreat with a group of friends. It was all just random stuff without any hint of a cohesive plot.
I didn’t like the jokes directed at Chris Rock, where he was called “bitch” and was put down constantly by his wife and mother-in-law. What’s wrong with being a “househusband?” Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and the Rock character demeaned his wife in the same way? I know this was just a comedy, but I do not like to see relationships depicted this way.
The fat old mother-in-law was such an unnecessary character. She farts and blames the dog, and serves as a convenient target for other characters to say how she needs to start taking the best diet pill for women ASAP. How lazy was that writing? Those are jokes my 7-year-old would come up with.
I could tell there were many ad-libbed scenes. They pretty much sucked.
It’s amazing to me that all these comedians could get together and NOT be funny. Well, actually, let me take that back. When are Rob Schneider and David Spade ever funny? And Kevin James? Meh. I guess this goes to show you shouldn’t just cast your friends.
The fact that this “movie” made $162,000,000 proves that you don’t even have to make an actual film in order to rake in big bucks in Hollywood. More power to Adam Sandler.

Rating:

I don’t expect big things from any Adam Sandler movie, but I do expect to at least be entertained and treated to a few laughs. This didn’t happen with Grown Ups. It was unfunny, tedious, and didn’t even have the slightest trace of a plot. I give it 1 star out of 5.

Five Minutes of Heaven (2009)

1-Star Movies, Drama Comments Off

Oct 162010

Plot summary (with spoilers): In 1975 in Northern Ireland, 17-year-old Alistair Little (played by Mark David) is the leader of a Protestant Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) cell. He wants to make a name for himself with UVF leadership, so he volunteers to execute a Catholic IRA sympathizer named Jim Griffin (Gerard Jordan) as sort of a warning to other IRA members to stay out of UVF territory. Little carries out the execution right in front of Griffin’s 10-year-old brother Joe (Kevin O’Neill), which has a devastating effect on the boy.

The film flashes forward to the present day, where adult Joe (James Nesbitt) has agreed to meet adult Alistair (Liam Neeson) for a TV talk show. The ostensible rationale for the meeting is to promote reconciliation between the two men, but it’s obvious the producers are after big ratings.

Through flashbacks and exposition, we learn what the men have been through in the intervening years. Alistair served 12 years in prison for his crime, but has been clean since then. Joe’s mother never recovered from losing Jim, and blamed Joe for not stopping the killing — even though he was just 10 and Alistair had a gun. Joe thinks of taking revenge on Alistair for ruining his life, and even goes so far as to conceal a knife in his jacket prior to the meeting.

But then Joe decides he cannot go through with the meeting after all, and leaves quickly. Alistair, who wants to put the situation to rest just as much as Joe does, travels back to Lurgan, contacts Joe, and arranges a meeting. The two fight and injure each other, but both walk away with their lives intact. A while later, Alistair receives a call from Joe, who says, “I’m done with you” and hangs up. Both men then presumably go on with their lives.

Liked:

I thought Liam Neeson was good in this. His character had a few compelling scenes, and I was definitely more interested in the film when he was on screen.

Disliked:

I disliked practically everything else about this movie. I had read some good reviews and decided to give it a try, but it simply wasn’t for me. I thought James Nesbitt was good at times, but mostly just overbearing and annoying. I couldn’t muster up any sympathy for his character at all. It’s too bad he was there chewing up most of the scenes in this project.
The pacing was incredibly slow. It was very hard for me to get into the film because it took so long for the characters’ stories to come out. The pace was more suited to a book than a movie, so I consequently found myself checking email, reading about the latest apidexin scam, or playing around on Facebook instead of paying close attention to the film.
The fight at the old house was just dumb. I was hoping both men would die when they went crashing through the window, but no such luck. Oh, well.

Rating:
I suppose Five Minutes of Heaven might mean more to someone more familiar with the religious conflicts of the time or with the historical figures involved. Otherwise, you might be just as lost and bored as I was during this one. I give it 1 star out of 5.

The Soloist (2009)

1-Star Movies, Drama Comments Off

Jun 022010

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Based on a true story, The Soloist tells of the friendship that develops between L.A. Times reporter Steve Lopez (played by Robert Downey, Jr.) and Nathaniel Ayers (Jamie Foxx), a former musical prodigy whom Lopez finds living on the streets in Los Angeles.

At first, Lopez sees Ayers in terms of a column: He’ll write about this former Juilliard student who is now homeless and plays a battered violin (with only two strings) to a statue of Beethoven in the park. It’ll make great copy, Lopez will generate some reader feedback, and that’ll be that.

But when a reader actually sends Lopez a used cello to give to Ayers, the relationship keeps going. Ayers soon takes it upon himself to try to get Ayers some proper help, but Ayers, who suffers from some kind of mental illness (probably schizophrenia), rebuffs him at every turn. Nevertheless, Ayers persists. Lopez also tries to get Ayers’s musical talent rediscovered. Along the way, Lopez comes face to face with the rampant problem of homelessness in L.A. (where some 90,000 people live without permanent shelter) — but doesn’t really end up doing anything about it.

Liked:

I try to find at least one thing to like in the movies that I watch, but I had trouble coming up with something here. In other reviews I’ve read, people have praised the performances of the main actors. I can’t agree with that, though. I’ve seen Downey do much better in other films, and Foxx wasn’t noticeably good at all.

Disliked:

This story started out in a way that suggested it might be something inspiring or uplifting, but it totally petered out and fell completely flat by the end. It left me saying, “What was the point of all that?”, which is not a proper reaction at the end of a movie.
What did the filmmakers want to communicate about the problem of homelessness? That it exists? Yeah, we knew that already. They should have made more of a statement about it, IMO. Since none of the characters in the film ended up doing a damn thing about the problem, why would audience members respond any differently?
The main storyline lacked focus. I know it was based on a true story, but true stories don’t automatically make for great drama. As an audience, we needed to see Ayers playing in front of a huge crowd and nailing the performance. We needed a rousing rendition of a recognizable song. We needed to see Ayers getting back on his feet or getting the medical attention he needed. The fact that the biggest outcome in this story was a “friendship” with Lopez was kind of a letdown.
The run time was far too long for the story it wanted to tell. There were so many unimportant scenes left in that it felt like the film dragged and dragged. This was very tough to get through from beginning to end.

Rating:

When The Soloist first came out, it was panned by critics and bombed at the box office. But since Robert Downey, Jr. is one of my favorite actors, I thought there’s no way the film could possibly be as bad as they’re saying. I was wrong. It’s terrible I give this one 1 star out of 5.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

1-Star Movies, Comedy/Dark Comedy Comments Off

Mar 212010

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Ben Selleck (played by James Brolin) is the owner of a struggling used car lot. His sales force consists of a bunch of mostly incompetent people, so it’s no surprise that they can’t move any of the cars. Without any cash coming in, Selleck is in danger of losing the business that has been in his family for 40 years. Instead of buying the best seo software and trying to sell cars via his website, he opts to call in a team of mercenary salesmen led by the legendary Don Ready (Jeremy Piven).

Ready and his crew — Jibby (Ving Rhames), Babs (Kathryn Hahn), and Brent (David Koechner) — descend on the scene and immediately put together a plan to sell all 140 cars over the 4th of July weekend. The plan includes such gimmicks as a DJ, free hot dogs, a giant inflatable gorilla, and high price markups so the salesmen can pretend to offer good deals for the customers.

As the film progresses, the viewer learns a bit more about Ready’s past, including the tragic skydiving death of a friend and fellow salesman that still haunts him to this day. In fact, things become so overwhelming that Don leaves in the middle of the 4th of July sale, essentially taking away all hope of saving the Selleck business. He realizes he must come to terms with his past and stop blaming himself for McDermott’s death so he can move on with his life.

Fortunately, the rest of Don’s team is able to rally the troops. Apparently everyone learned just enough from Don about selling that they’re able to move all the inventory and triumph over the evil Stu Harding (Alan Thicke). Don returns in time to sell the last car to seal the victory for the good guys.

My Reaction: Going in, I understood that The Goods was supposed to be a comedy along the lines of Walk Hard or Talladega Nights, so I wasn’t expecting anything intelligent. But this film was pretty bad, even when set against low expectations.

I love Jeremy Piven on Entourage, but he proved here that he’s simply not a big enough presence to carry an entire movie on his own. He was annoying and cheesy as Don Ready. I get that the cheesy part was probably intended, but it just wasn’t funny at all. From that ridiculous smoking scene on the airplane straight through to the end, I don’t recall a single LOL moment involving him.

The supporting cast wasn’t any better, and well, I’m sure you know how dumb the storylines are for these types of movies, so don’t look to the plot for relief. Not even the Will Ferrell cameo could save this disaster.

Overall, The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard was a huge waste of time. It was train-wreck bad — you know you shouldn’t watch, but you can’t help it — and utterly cringe-worthy in some places. Avoid this one at all costs. I give it 1 star out of 5.

The International (2009)

1-Star Movies, Action Comments Off

Jan 072010

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): Clive Owen stars as Louis Salinger, an Interpol agent who has been trying for years to take down the International Bank of Business & Credit. It’s pretty well known in the intelligence community that the International is involved in arms dealing and is the bank of choice for money launderers, but neither Interpol nor any other agency can get the evidence they need to bring the organization to its knees. It seems that as soon as they get an informant, he’s killed off or disappears–as was the case with André Clement (Georges Bigot), who dies in a mysterious car accident after meeting with Salinger’s partner Thomas Schumer (Ian Burfield), who also ends up dead.

The International’s president, Jonas Skarssen (Ulrich Thomsen), issues a statement about Clement’s death. Salinger realizes the timeline from Skarssen’s statement doesn’t make sense, so he attempts to question Skarssen more closely in order to trip him up in his lies. But Skarssen hides behind his lawyers, putting Salinger back at square one.

At this point, Salinger decides to get help from New York District Attorney Eleanor Whitman (Naomi Watts), who is interested in the case because the International operates out of New York as well. Whitman tries to make contact with Clement’s wife to see if she can shed any light about what Clement was going to say to Interpol. The widow doesn’t know much, but gives Whitman the name Umberto Calvini (Luca Barbareschi), an international arms dealer. That’s just the kind of lead Salinger and Whitman need in order to keep the case alive.

The rest of the film then shows how Salinger and Whitman try to build a case against the International. The trail leads through a tangled web of arms deals, political assassinations, and even a shootout in the Guggenheim Museum before finally cornering Skarssen. But as usually happens with large organizations, even the leader is expendable. Skarssen himself is assassinated to preserve the International, while a new president steps into place to continue business as usual.

My Reaction: I was really hoping that The International would turn out to be a smart, fast-paced thriller, as there seems to be a shortage of these types of films in theaters recently. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case at all. The plot of this film was so dense and the characters–particularly those associated with the bank–were so nondescript that it was hard to keep everything straight. I quickly lost track of who was who, and as a result, my interest in the film flagged significantly. I swear I was trying to pay attention, but I still didn’t get it!

And no matter how hard I try, I just cannot buy Clive Owen as an action star. I think he’s a fine actor, but only in more dramatic roles. He simply doesn’t cut it for me as an action hero, which is essentially what he played here, given all the shooting and crap, so I spent much of the movie questioning this casting decision (along with the one that put Naomi Watts opposite him).

The Guggenheim shootout received a lot of buzz when the movie was released, so I was looking forward to seeing that part. But other than it being extremely loud and long, I didn’t think that scene was anything special. I mean seriously, though, what can possibly differentiate one shootout from another? There are guns, bullets, and bodies… end of story.

Overall, I thought The International was a pretty boring film that ended up not being worth the time I put into watching it. It’s not smart or suspenseful or exciting, so if you’re expecting any of those things, you’d better keep looking. I give it 1 star out of 5.

The Happening (2008)

1-Star Movies, Mystery/Suspense Comments Off

Dec 172009

Ever since the stunning twist writer/director M. Night Shyamalan dropped on audiences near the end of 1999′s The Sixth Sense, each of his new films has been greeted with anticipation of more great surprises. Unfortunately, Shyamalan has disappointed more often than not, and one has to believe that if he had never scored that blockbuster hit a decade ago, few of his newer projects, including The Happening, would have ever seen the light of day.

Plot summary (with possible spoilers): The film opens in Central Park in New York, where two women are sitting on a bench having an ordinary conversation. All of a sudden, screams ring out, and one of the women looks around to see that almost everyone in the park appears to be frozen in mid-step. Those that can move are committing suicide in gruesome ways. The scene shifts to a construction site where workers begin taking swan dives off a building, and then on to a traffic jam where a police officer shoots himself in the head as others line up to use his gun on themselves.

Next, we go to Pennsylvania where high school teachers, including Elliot Moore (played by Mark Wahlberg) and his colleague Julian (John Leguizamo) are dismissed for the day with a warning from administrators about reports of terrorist attacks in New York City. The terror might spread to Pennsylvania, so all are encouraged to leave the area. Elliot immediately phones wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel) while Julian rounds up daughter Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez) and tries to get in touch with his own wife.

On the way out of town, the train they’re all riding in suddenly stops near a small town. They can’t go any further, the conductor says, because they’ve lost contact with everybody. So Elliot, Alma, Julian, and Jess try to hitch rides out of the area towards the west, which is supposed to be away from the problems. When Julian gets a call saying that his wife is stuck in Princeton, he leaves Jess in Elliot and Alma’s care so he can go find her. Shortly thereafter, everyone in his vehicle commits suicide.

The rest of the film then focuses on Elliot, Alma, and Jess’s attempts to keep moving away from the mysterious toxin that is causing people to take their own lives. Some people believe it might be a wind-borne agent, while others think plants and trees are altering their chemical makeup to stave off some deadly virus. In any case, the disaster ends just as suddenly as it started, and nobody has any real answers about what happened.

My Reaction: The first thing I noticed about The Happening was how utterly terrible the acting performances were. I mean, I don’t go into a Mark Wahlberg film expecting Academy Award quality, but he wasn’t the only one bringing the ham. It got so distracting that I had to pause my DVD so I could do a few quick Google searches about the film — and only then did I discover that Shyamalan intended The Happening to be a throwback to old B-movies with schlocky plots and acting. Once I realized that the bad performances were intentional, they became easier to take, and even a bit funny.

There was nothing redeeming about the plot, however, as Shyamalan failed to build up any kind of suspense at all, and then didn’t even bother rewarding viewers with any kind of payoff. I just didn’t think that rustling leaves and bushes were scary, nor did I even understand how the wind could have anything to do with the sudden suicides. Furthermore, I thought it was ridiculous whenever the characters tried to outrun or stay ahead of the wind. Um, yeah, how exactly are you supposed to do that??

And the non-ending was a disappointment as well. While I realize that not everything in real life has pat explanations or succinct answers, I do expect something in the way of explanation from a movie. So Shyamalan’s choice to go the “we’ll never know” route just felt like more of a cop-out than a real ending — though I guess it was a fitting way to wind up a rather dull film.

Overall, The Happening is pretty much par for the course as far as recent M. Night Shyamalan films go. There’s a lot of buildup towards absolutely nothing, leaving the viewer feeling like a sucker for having sat through the entire thing. I give this movie 1 star out of 5.

Older Entries

Green Lantern (2011)

Gulliver's Travesl (2010)

Robin Hood (2010)

Wild Things 2 (2004)

Grown-Ups (2010)

Five Minutes of Heaven (2009)

The Soloist (2009)

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

The International (2009)

The Happening (2008)

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